Freaking the Freak Out
In less than two weeks our house sale will be finalized. We've been living in an in-between state for so long it hasn't really sunken in. Just before we put our house on the market we moved into the living room, partly due to the unexpected sale of our bedroom set. Our house is a small 3/1, 900ish square feet, and we no longer use any of the bedrooms besides random stuff storage (i.e., van build parts and kayaks). Realistically, we've been using around 500 square feet and much of it is just space, the jack-knife sofa is in the middle of the dining room and the stuff we are keeping is in stacked bins.
I'm a planner, a scheduler, and an unfortunate task master. Needless to say, over the last few weeks I've just freaked the eff out. The van is nowhere near completion, we had to strip her to fix all of the undisclosed issues, so we are essentially where we thought we were when we bought her. I can't handle dishes in the sink so living with parts everywhere has tested my mental fortitude. I'm a compulsive neat freak and somehow I haven't murdered anyone, not that my conscious knows of anyway. Instead, I got sick and had to just let things be.
Poor Mandi must think I'm Dr. Psycho and Mr. Sociopath. When things aren't as disheveled I'm sure I'm still just a nutzoid, but it's easier for me to focus on the obvious tasks that I need to get done. This no man's ever gonna really own land has me...confused. Things haven't gotten done and the sky is still standing, the world's still spinning and life is pretty good. We're running out of time to finish the van and I'm not worried. I must still have a fever or something.
Freaking out is just a moment where I need to think everything through before plotting a course. Instead of getting overwhelmed, well staying overwhelmed, I'm usually able to just start picking away at things until it's a bit more manageable. Our impending limbo is different though. We're deep into the final troughs of our countdown with definite deliverables and I'm just waiting to close the door on a big piece, the house. Moving out and making sure the house is in tip top is a sizable list but completing the van is monumental. Is the big freakout to come once we sign the papers and I can move my focus back to the van?
I know there will be mini freakout moments, sorry my love, but right now I feel getting back to the build will be a welcomed comfort. We've both questioned the sanity of building our own camper van, there is none - absolutely none, but doing it ourselves is rewarding. Everything that works and everything that sucks will be entirely on us. We'll have several years to reflect back and hopefully many laughs over the boneheaded decisions we have and will make.
I've read that a trip like ours is about the journey and not the destination. Something we will experience but a mind frame I'm working to embrace now. That might not be the smartest thing for a high strung psycho nut job (functioning sociopath) to do but it makes me feel good. It'll be what it'll be and that's OK. Making our date is important for many reasons but the work to get there will be one hell of a time. I'm excited as selling the house is a big step, completing the van will be the next one. Following Bob, it'll be a series of baby steps to the finish line.
I keep singing "it's the final countdown", just that line since it's all I know, as it's the truth and an inspiration. We are moving ever so close to our goal of launching, the most wonderful and frightening thing we have ever done. Self liberation, an experiment in living, our next self-realization. Facing an opportunity so great, it's easy to remind myself to be calm, as the final step to this new beginning will be nothing like we have ever known.
Don't sweat too much about the van. No matter what it will never be finished and after a few months you'll want to redesign it anyways. When you guys get to NC again, we can always take care of a few more items in the in-law's workshop. Looking forward to seeing you guys again soon!
Likewise, it sucks being several states away! We will definitely make it back to your neck of the woods and I'm sure your skills and knowledge will be needed. Mandi wouldn't mind some baby time either ; ) Until then...
Where are we now
Look Rock, TN
Subscribe
Archive
Tag
Supporters
